


Stupid

by Phantoms_Echo



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Ed started it, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, future canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 04:59:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7604410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantoms_Echo/pseuds/Phantoms_Echo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We can't have sex anymore."<br/>"... Why not?"<br/>"Because it makes me stupid!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stupid

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or its characters and I do not make money off of this. I only create fantasies.

When Roy had first met the Fullmetal Alchemist, the blonde had been a child, desperate and stupid –not appealing in the least. When the boy passed the test to become a state alchemist, Roy had been appreciative of his skill and tenacity, even when the child was sometimes more trouble than he was worth. With the events of the homunculi's plan and Fuehrer Bradley's betrayal, Roy had rarely seen the youth as the blonde travelled all over, keeping under the radar of the Fuehrer's men.

Now, as the dust settled and Roy could finally take time to relax and heal his wounds, he realized with startling clarity that the boy was no longer a boy. He was a man.

A very good-looking man at that.

Now, Roy had always been comfortable with his sexuality. One did not come out of a brothel with strict sexual views, after all. However, even Roy remembered the age gap between him and the Fullmetal Alchemist – _Edward Elric_  –and the fact that the teen was still under his authority. This changed slightly when Edward changed his status from a soldier to the research-only division (he could do this because he's Edward). 

Roy was technically just a supervisor and didn't have any real pull over the blonde. He couldn't fire him if the blonde acted out as he often did, nor could Roy demand help if his own soldiers needed it. No, help had to be requested, much to Ed' smug pride. After all, a request must be paid in return –equal exchange and all that.

There was still an age gap between them, but Roy felt safe enough now to at least look. He wouldn't be lecherous like some of the older officers. He wouldn't leer or make lewd comments (no more than usual for his persona) and he would never push Ed to do something he didn't want to.

So it came as a surprise when  _Edward_  was the one to push for something.

It had started off as a normal day. With Roy promoted to Brig. General, he had more paperwork than ever, but it was a step closer to Fuehrer, so he wasn't complaining. It also gave him an excuse to ask Edward questions whenever something came up the blonde could help with. With all of Ed's research and travels, he had become something of an expert on foreign culture –even if he did tend to ignore customs and get into trouble because of it.

He had been in the middle of an explanation to the brunette when Roy's mind began to wander and his eyes roved up and down the lithe body before him. He couldn't help but notice the way that Ed moved –graceful and energetic, even as he leaned to prop himself up on the desk by the hip.

With his automail arm gone, the long sleeved shirt had disappeared and the tan skin of his arms had been revealed. Those arms were muscled, his left toned from years of fighting and his right quickly catching up with daily training. Dark eyes followed the line of his arms to broad shoulders, then down the length of his spine and lower to-

 Roy only realized what he was doing when the blonde's explanation cut off in an angry, " _Eyes up here, asshole!_ "

Roy blinked and redirected his gaze firmly on Ed's eyes –which were just as pretty to look at. Smirking, Roy rested his jaw on his knuckles, "Apologies, Fullmetal. My mind wandered of its own accord. Please carry on."

"I ain't Fullmetal anymore." Ed protested, the usual scowl on his face. It became his default expression when the blonde didn't know how to respond. Golden eyes flicked down to the report that he held in both hands before looking up with a squint. "Did you just check me out?"

Roy blinked, eyebrows rising as he got caught. Should he tell the truth or a lie? As stated before, Roy had no problem with his sexuality, even in a place like the military, but Ed was different. He had always been body-shy since the incident that gave him his automail. More so, Roy had never seen the blonde dating anyone,  _ever_. Even Miss Rockbell had shook her head and sighed when Roy had asked.

Mentally shrugging to himself, Roy said, "You are a smart man, Edward. What do you think?"

The blonde grew quiet, eyebrows drawing together as he thought. His bottom lip snuck between his teeth, a nervous habit Roy was sure the elder Elric had not noticed. He certainly didn't notice what it did to Roy and other commanding officers whenever he did it.

"Do you mean it?" the blonde asked quietly. Roy remained silent, sensing the other had more to say. "Do you... You don't just check people out if you aren't interested, right?"

"I believe the act of checking people out is to see if you are interested." Roy answered, neither a yes or no.

" _Bastard!_  That's not what I-!" Ed let out a growling huff and shook his head. His grip on the report tightened, crinkling the paper. Golden eyes glued themselves to the pages, as if to find the answer there. But alchemy only held the answers of the universe, not the ones in Roy's head. Quietly, voice unsure, he asked, "Are you then? Interested?"

"Will you hit me if I say yes?" Roy asked.

"I'll hit you either way because you're a  _bastard_!" Ed hissed, face twisting in anger as he glared at Roy. Then, the meaning of Roy's words dawned on him and his jaw drop. 

"Well, in that case," Roy licked his lips and shot Ed a hooded look, "Please be gentle."

The blonde's face turned bright red even as he glared again.

"You-!" Ed sputtered, lost for words. Roy watched, pleased with his work, right up until Ed grabbed hold of his collar and dragged him to his feet. Roy tensed against a blow... that never came.

Instead, he found someone's lips on his own and, given Ed was the only other person in the room, surmised it had to be him. The blonde kissed like he fought, full of ferocity and passion with the barest bit of actual style thrown in. It was a little novice and more teeth than Roy typically liked, but it was good all the same. 

When they finally pulled away, both were panting for air, Ed more so since he apparently didn't figure out how to breathe during a kiss.

"Just so you know," Ed panted, fingers still curled tightly in Roy's collar as he leaned over the desk. "That's a yes, bastard. Ain't gonna pussy-foot around."

"Fair enough," Roy grinned, an actual honest,  _genuine_  grin. "So you wouldn't be averse to an outing this Friday night?"

"Outing..." Ed scrunched up his nose. "You mean like a date?"

"An actual date," Roy agreed.

"Can't we just go back to kissing?" the blonde asked, "I like that better."

"Edward, I am not just going to go straight to the physical without at least taking you on one date." Roy sighed, wondering what he had gotten himself into. "Besides, there will be food."

That cut off Ed's protest before it had a chance to leave his lips. "Food? Why didn't you say so, bastard?!"

"Are you still going to call me that even when we're dating?" 

Ed frowned, head cocked to the side, "What else am I supposed to call you?"

"Is my name not good enough?" Roy asked, sliding his fingers through Ed's bangs and tucking them behind his ear. The blonde shivered at the caress.

"Y-you mean Mustang?"

"Mmm... I was thinking more along the lines of  _Roy_ ," the brunette said, voice like velvet in the blonde's ear. He felt the breath on the skin of his neck pick up, could hear the blonde's ragged breaths.

"R-Roy?" the blonde tried, voice a mere whisper.

"Mmmm..." Roy answered, nipping lightly at the other's ear. Fingers tightened in his collar, dragging him closer before the blonde shook his head and pulled away.

"N-nope!" the blonde said, grabbing at his ear and running a nervous hand through his hair. "Roy won't work. I'll just have to stick with bastard!"

And, well, Roy wouldn't expect anything less.

After that, it was fairly simple. The date on Friday went well, despite Roy taking attempting to take Ed to a nice restaurant. He should have remembered that the blonde's manners were atrocious, but to be honest, Roy didn't care. The two had fun running the waiter back and forth with increasingly strange demands. That night led to laughter and kissing Ed at the door before Roy took off towards his own house.

The following dates were more to Ed's pace as Roy didn't care to uphold his image in front of the People's Alchemist. Passer-bys tended to give him some leeway where Ed was concerned. So when they saw him playing mini-golf or getting into a heated discussion (not argument, discussion) in the library, they didn't give him a second thought.

With the increase in dates and comfort that Ed had with him, the physical relationship quickly ramped up, even after Al's very explicit shovel talk. Roy still had all his body parts, so he thought he was doing pretty well.

Then came the first time they had sex.

Roy did his best to make it as romantic as possible, but he knew he shouldn't have tried with Ed being Ed.

After the blonde was awakened to the carnal desires, he took to ambushing Roy wherever he went. After dates were typical times, but Ed also cornered him in his office, in his car, and –once, memorably –in the restrooms right before a big meeting. It was getting to the point that they were doing it multiple times a day, but Roy kept up with the blonde, much to his own surprise.

Each and every time, Roy took him apart until he was an incoherent mess and the most beautiful sight the brunette had ever seen. 

This night in particular, Ed was sprawled in Roy's bed, panting and covered in sweat and other bodily fluids. His hair was a mess, having fallen out of its pony tail long before they fell into bed. The low light in the room cast a gentle glow over supple skin and those dazed eyes looked especially golden in the reflection of the light.

Roy was curled up to the side, arm thrown over his lover's waist and head propped up on his knuckles with the other, drinking in the sight.

Suddenly, Ed frowned, not the typical reaction Roy was used to.

"Something wrong?" the brunette asked.

"We can't have sex anymore," Ed stated.

Roy felt his heart lurch. Was Ed breaking up with him? Roy had thought the sex had been good, but did Ed not think so? Had he been trying to ease out without hurting Roy's feelings? That didn't sound like Ed.

Frowning himself, Roy asked, "Why not?"

"Because!" Ed sat up, far too energetic, even post-coital. Bright eyes turned on Roy as an accusing finger shoved its way in front of his nose. "It makes me stupid!"

Roy blinked, "It... makes you stupid..."

"Yes!" the blonde threw his hands in the air. "My mind just goes all melty! I forget everything I was trying to focus on in the day! I've forgotten three different experimental arrays because of you! You and your hands! And your mouth! And your stupid _hair_!"

"Let me get this straight..." Roy dropped his head from his knuckled to the crook of his arm. "You want to stop having sex, because it makes you forget things while we do it."

"Not just during sex!" Ed huffed, "All the time! I'll be working on something and then something reminds me of what you did the night before, or how your lips felt on mine –and the next thing I know, the lab is on fire because I mixed the chemicals wrong!"

"That sounds dangerous." Roy frowned in concern.

" _It is_!" Ed exclaimed. "I get distracted and can't focus on work! The only way I've found to get  _un_ distracted is to find you!"

"That's why you were hunting me down so much..." Roy mused.

"But then we have sex and I have more material to think about and I get more distracted!" Ed threw himself back onto the bed. "The cycle never ends!"

Roy tried to hold strong, but it only took one look at Ed's perturbed face to burst out laughing. Okay, so he might still be a little high from their earlier play.

"Bastard!" Ed grumbled, throwing an arm over his eyes. It didn't hide the blush that stole across his cheeks.

"Forgive me, Edward." Roy said, calming slowly. "When you said you didn't want to have sex anymore, I thought you wanted this thing between us to end."

The arm was wrenched away as Ed jerked his head towards Roy, a horrified look in his eyes. "No! I don't! I don't want that!"

"I understand now." Roy smiled soothingly. "But you have to forgive my relief when I found that wasn't the case."

Ed grumbled and buried his nose in Roy's chest. His next words were muffled.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't quite hear you." Roy said, running a finger down Ed's spine.

"I  _said_..." Ed peeked up at him. "How do you do it? You don't seem nearly as distracted as I do."

"I have learned to compartmentalize." Roy stated, drawing his finger back up and watching his blonde shiver. "I have also had more experience than you. Not to say that lying with you isn't the most alive I've felt in years, but with practice, you learn when it is the right time to be thinking about it and when is the wrong time."

"So I gotta keep having it in order to ignore it." Ed stated, his brow furrowed.

"Essentially." Roy tucked an errant strand of hair behind Ed's ear. "It's a lot like poison. A large dose would kill you, but in small doses, you build up an immunity."

"So we need to lower the doses!" Ed perked up, his toes curling against Roy’s calf

"Technically speaking, we are at the smaller doses." Roy grinned.

Ed frowned, confused, "What do you mean? Sex is big!"

"I assume you haven't gone looking through my closet yet." Roy's lips twitched in vaguely concealed laughter as Ed's eyes grew large. The blonde craned his neck back to look at said closet that, to his knowledge, only held Roy's dress uniform. The brunette had no doubt that he would find his lover waist deep in the closet when he came home the next day, but the curious, 'want to know' look on Ed's face was too adorable to pass up.

"Don't worry." Roy said. "We can lighten up on how often we do it. Setting limits might help keep you from over-indulging."

"I don't have problems with food, bastard." Ed stated, burying his nose in Roy's chest again. His words were oblivious, but by his tone, Roy knew he agreed.

"And I'll set up some more safety protocols in the lab in case of accidents." Roy grinned at Ed's dark glare.

"Don't you  _dare_!" the blonde hissed. "There are enough as it is! I could bury a body with the amount of books and scrolls it would take to write every procedure down!"

Roy laughed as the blonde continued to complain. He was just glad that Ed had reached out and taken his chance and that the blonde had decided to stick around for the ride, even if it left him a little stupid.

Stupid indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews: I don't want to hear "Good job!" or "Another chapter please!". If you want to say either of those, just drop a kudos. Only make a comment if you're giving constructive criticism, something that can make my writing or my world better.


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